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For example, instead of admitting they are overwhelmed by noise, tired of being around people, or simply want to go and work on a favored interest, they may lie and say they feel sick or they have an appointment they need to get to. Many males with AS do marry, but unless both partners are willing to work on problem areas, the relationship may not last. Many males with AS fit into the stereotype of “geek.” 15. They can focus on a subject that interests them and talk endlessly about it, but they may not fully understand the give-and-take of a shared conversation. Most males with AS can find employment and are generally reliable workers.
However, even if they have the same qualifications as “typical” males, they may not find a job as easily due to a deficit in social skills. Sensory difficulties may mean that the AS man does not like seams in clothing or labels in shirts.
The pet is a friend that does not place demands on the man and accepts him as he is. AS males may seem set in their ways and can appear to be selfish or insensitive.
They may speak without weighing how their words will affect others. AS men have been known to pass blame onto other people. AS men have been known to explode over relatively minor things (e.g., a burnt meal, a missing book, etc.). However, the man may feel that he is a “bad” person to behave in such a way, yet feels powerless to change. In a romantic relationship, the AS man may resist physical touch and public or private displays of affection. Job interviews often pose a problem since the AS man has impaired social skills and may not respond appropriately, or may misread the interviewer’s body language. Males with AS have normally spent decades learning how to get by in life. Males with AS often have a reputation for being cranky and difficult.
) I have told him I am sure I want a divorce and his main concern, appropriately, is that he gets enough time with our 6 year old daughter.
Inappropriately, he has suggested I sleep on the couch and let him come to the home for visits, have him continue to live here but in the basement room, and has had coffee to discuss the divorce with a divorced father with whom we are only distantly acquainted through our children in the same neighborhood.
Still others refuse to accept the possibility that they may have AS – and are offended when the issue is raised. Some males with AS may have become defensive as years have passed and are difficult to confront or reason with.
Typically they have a much lower capacity for social interaction than a “typical” man. Many AS men have learned to lie to help them cope with life.
Yet I am the one that has to handle everything and there is never someone there to help me. For a long time I pushed aside my friends when it came to social outings since my husband always seemed so awkward at these events. I see that I am responsible for my own anger and resentment and criticism, and the response it has provoked in him. But I also see that he will never be someone who will hug me spontaneously, kiss my cheek when I am crying, grab my hand when we are walking, look me in the eyes and truly understand emotionally what I am going through. He doesn't like to make eye contact, unless it's an overly direct, almost aggressive stare, and pulls away quickly after a stiff hug.
I have started going to things by myself which may sound rude but at least I feel alive!!!! Not sure I can live with that in a husband, although I can love him as the wonderful father of my child that he is. He is very intelligent in some ways, especially about mechanical and electrical things and political topics, and oddly off base about very basic aspects of pleasant human interaction.
I have dropped my non-AS 'friends' over the years as I was unable to meet their expectations that I should change to be more like them.
They never tried to understand me, yet expected ME to understand THEM!